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All about me, this site, life, the universe and everything…all through my rose tinted psychedelic glasses

a day in the life, Poems

time and again

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‘It’ happened again, grabbed
By the backlit eyes, blaring
Golden humanity, smiling bright
From behind guarded eyes, she
Smiled, whole face lighting up
With life’s love and breathe,
Filling my chest with joy, breathe
Of fresh air, gust of sea breeze
Blowing cobwebs of listless
Tenderly cultivated stillness out
The window, breathing in fresh
Sunlight and air.

To laugh, unashamedly, great dorky
Guffaws of selfless me, bursting
Forth, as if I did not mind what others
Thought, indeed I did not, for I was
Am happy, momentary smiles
Broadening into full-blown central
Heating glow, as if for the first time
That breathe of fresh salt air, scoring
Deep lines of breakage joyfully across
What I thought were permanent
Walls, self-protection disintegrating
Melting like sand before the waves,
Yet still remains the calm, as if
This were the most natural
Of all states, just so, the way it was
Meant to be, just general good feeling
And me.

Time will only tell, whether this
Is false pretence, the lost lonely
Boy grasping like a drowning soul
At a life raft promise of happiness,
Yet even as I write these
Last few lines, I know it to be untrue,
This may not be the end of the world,
Yet it is the beginning of something.

If being on my own two
Feet has taught me anything, it is
This, that we are what we have been, we
Breathe air in that once cycled through
Our own internals, we make this
Life what it is.

Whether this is truth for all,
Or just truth for one, for me, I
Cannot tell. Yet it is true, for now
For me.

Welcome back happiness, may you
Stay a while, rest your warmth against
My breast, breathe your sweet honeysuckle
Breeze across my chin, brush my cheek
With life-thrilling tenderness,
Tell me all will be well. I
Am a little older, a little bit
Wiser, a few more scars, bumps
And bruises, yet I am still me.

Rest your head, happiness,
Against my soul-home, and whisper
Sweet nothings in my ear. May it be
Transient, this still is,
This is still.

Welcome home happy thoughts,
Internal smiles will always be
Welcome.

a day in the life, Poems

not so bad

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So, not as to be expected, no
This is not another heart wrenching
Angst-driven poem, but rather
Something altogether different.

Whether it is the Valentine bug,
Or just the sheer joy of a week
Away from the hour to hour to
And fro of everyday office life,
I guess I will never know.

Yet I am pleased as punch, so
Much so that the two-bit punk
With his weapon-on-a-leash dog
Shouting retributive vile at me,
After I verbally defended a tube
Worker, did nothing to dampen
My spirits.

Life is good, two-bit waste-of-space,
Resource gobbling, drunk, violent
Punks or no.

Which is worse? Rich bankers,
Pocketing our hard earned tax
Dollars as ‘bonus’ millions, or
The loser that gets drunk and
Abusive, not realising we’re
Paying for him too?

A welfare state leaves a lot
To think about…

Yet again, I
Come back to this feeling
Of a day well spent, learning
Dryest of studies, in scintillating
Company.

Thanks for the break, travel
Included, from the everyday
That can become so very
Monday-ne.

a day in the life, Rants

i sit corrected :)

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This morning I received the following feedback on my last (obviously whingey-sounding) post entitled “it’s just plain taxing” :

“The fact remains that you are considerably better off, not only than most of the world’s population, but most of Britain’s as well. However hard it is for you, it is harder for the majority of other people. That £80 would make much more difference to someone on £20,000 than to you and it would be a month’s salary in many parts of the world. I think your request for more aid is correct but with respect I don’t think you should be the recipient.” – Danyal

I just wanted to thank Danyal for setting me straight. No sarcasm, just straight “thank you”.

I had not realised my last post sounded so whiney – it won’t happen again! (I hope.)

Danyal was not the only person to comment on this post. One of my older friends, Ron (reliving his twenty-somethings a few years on 😉 ), pointed out that after 50 years of being in the workforce as an engineer he could not claim the salary I mentioned.

Again, thank you both for setting me straight.

Fundamentally, I happen to agree with both Danyal and Ron.

Yes, we do expect more money from our work.

Yes, we do have more cash coming in.

Yes, there are people much worse off in, and out of this country.

I guess my main point got lost somewhere along the way.

My issue was not with losing £80 per month child tax credit.

My issue was two-fold:

1. The logic behind cancelling tax credit for individuals earning above a certain threshold is fundamentally flawed. This should actually be based on “Household Income”, not a single person’s income. I was holding myself up as an example.

2. The £80 per month I lose is NOT being given to someone needier (in the UK or abroad). It is being used to plug a financial hole created by greed in business which was supported, lauded and in many ways protected by the very government that is now taking my tax credit, cancelling school improvement programs, closing hospitals, closing libraries in some of the most deprived areas (including BRAND NEW libraries, built or refurbished in the last 18 months by the same government now closing them).

The issue here is that those in power are the lapdogs of business, often moving on to lucrative business deals post political career (how much are the Blairs and Clintons making on memoirs and money for speeches?).

The issue is that billions taken from the working class as ‘tax’ is spent on banks which caused the economic crash in the first place through unsecured and emotive gambling on technically non-existent markets. The whole system feeds off of itself like a swarm of parasites. When the world financial markets sucked themselves dry internationally, we paid for it. Now they are making a profit, do we see any improvement in public services, more police, more libraries, greater investment in the infrastructure and future of the country?

Of course not. As soon as the banking industry turns a profit the bankers pocket millions in bonuses, while the rest of us sweat what little assets we have.

Yes, I think we should spend money on those who need it.

If I knew that all of the tax I paid (and it is a painful seemingly ever-increasing chunk of money each month) each year went towards helping the homeless, supporting the schools, building new libraries, paying the doctors and nurses, supporting the police, assisting other countries in supporting those in need, I would shut up about it.

But that is not where my and everyone else’s tax is going.

‘We’ (the government on our behalf) invested (pissed away) more money in banks and the financial structure in a single year than we have spent on all of the natural disaster DEC appeals for the last decade (and then some).

The point is that the money we (the governments of the world) pissed away on the failing banking system (which is miraculously still standing and now making a profit – surprise surprise!) enough money to feed the world’s hungry for years, or write off a large proportion of third world debt, or build a dozen full-sized working fusion reactor (never-ending clean energy, anyone?).

The point is that with that money wasted, we are now losing police from the streets, libraries are being closed, everyone is having to tighten their belts and work twice as hard to earn the same they did a few years before which, considering the increase in the cost of living, hike in electricity and gas bills, increase in income tax, inflation and the rest in reality means we’ve all taken a salary cut each year our salaries stay the same – after 3 years inflation alone means a 12% salary cut.

Again, I would not mind if the money was going somewhere useful, to help those who need it.

But it is not.

That was the point I was trying to make.

Apologies for it getting lost in a whinge! 🙂

Maybe I should create a new category of ‘whinge’ and put the last post there! 😉

Your feedback is much appreciated – please keep it coming!

😉

Til we communicate again,

Yours,

mE (Em) 🙂

a day in the life, Rants

it’s just plain taxing…

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I have to warn you – this will be a rant (hence the ‘category’ of ‘rant’).

For those of finer sensibilities, or who prefer to only read the less rant-acious blogs, turn away now. Read something from the ‘poetry’ category, take up table tennis, or learn the ancient martial art of navel-gazing (one of my favourite ‘down-time’ pastimes).

Still reading? Cool. So here goes.

First the facts:
1. I am a single full-time working parent.
2. My daughter lives with me 7 days a week.
3. I earn more than 44k a year (whoopti-doo, I hear you say. Just bear with me, this is all going somewhere.)

Now the punchline:
1. I presently get £80 a month ‘child tax credit’. That is the full extent of the financial assistance the government (which I have paid for during my 15 years working in England) gives to me. £80 per month. That’s it.
2. Because I earn more than £44k a year, I will lose my £80 per month child tax credit come June. That’s right, all gone. Supposedly, I don’t need it anymore. Thanks coallition government!
3. If I lived with a partner with both of us earning £44k (total annual household income of £88k) we would together receive £160 per month child tax credit, even after June. Nice, eh?

So, according to the government, the magic number is £44k.

And if two people earn less than this live together, they need financial support from our tax money, whereas I don’t (I do not take home anywhere £88k, although it would be really nice if I did!).

So there you have it.

Oh, and the coallition government also brought a stealth income tax increase in during this year, meaning someone earning more than £40k pays an additional £100 per month in tax… Because we can obviously afford it.

Where is this money going? I hear you ask.

Better schools? More libraries? Higher paid doctors and nurses? Public infrastructure? Paying the needy or elderly to be able to live better?

Nope.

This money is the debt we inherited because some idiot in the previous government (Brown…) decided it was a good idea to blow your and my money on failing banks. “Good money after bad money.” Interesting decision.

So, fundamentally, I lose £80 per month, Hounslow closes 8 out of 10 libraries (four of which were either just refurbished or rebuilt in the last 12 months!), we lose police, schools lose funding, local communities and charities lose funding, to line the pockets of already rich bankers.

The same bankers who gambled and lost our money in the first place. (Note, they did NOT lose their own money at all – neither the first or the second time, because most high-end bankers pay next to nothing in tax – 20% at most on maybe part of what they earn.)

That’s all.

Screw the working class, the middle earners. Tax them harder, remove their benefits. Let the gambling continue in the markets. (And before anyone self-righteously accuses me of cashing in on the scramble for cash then stabbing those gambling ‘heroes’ in the back when it all fell apart; I did not ever buy any shares, aside from the “option” to buy shares of a company I once worked in which was actually part of the pension scheme.)

And of course hike up the cost of commuting, electricity, gas…

I don’t want to pay for some gamblers to continue to burn our world economy.

Rant over! 🙂

Back to happy self.

Back to rewriting. 😉

Til next time, keep breathing easy,

mE (Em)

ePublishing, Killer Application: Dead or Alive, mE

work avoidance or dedication?

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First off, this is most likely neither and both work avoidance, and dedication.

What do I mean?

Well, this is work avoidance in that although I am only presently commuting to work I should really be studying my ITIL V3 prep coursework.

This is also dedication because it is about writing (mine and in general).

While getting ready for the (lovely) commute to work this ‘brisk’ English morning (meaning quite cold, a bit windy, but dry), I found the time to read Jeanne Veillette Bowerman’s guest blog post on the Writer’s Digest website regarding the benefits to her as a writer of becoming a twitter addict Confessions of a Tweetaholic.

While finding the post insightful and illuminating, two words in particluar jumped out at from the page (or Blackberry screen, to be precise).

What were those two words? “Two Hours”.

Now, on their own these words do not hold much sway over my life. In any other context they may have had little or no impact.

However, as an aspiring self-published author they rang the “oh my god” bell deep in my chest.

Why is that? I hear you ask.

Well, simples, really.

The maximum time I have to write in any given day is about two hours (if I am lucky, am willing to forego sleeping a full night, and don’t mind looking rough the next day).

Jean spent two hours a day on twitter alone, working her way up to several hundred followers.

This is a successful playwright with accolades and shows under her belt, writing full time, tweeting with fellow writers intelligebly and articulately about her passion (two hours a day!).

On the other end of the tweet spectrum is our dear friend 50 cent, with umpty-thousand followers, tweeting requests for groupies to plunder in the local vicinity. (This presuming we have a clue where in the world he is – I see a new Facebook game – Where in the world is 50 cent? With points for how close you can guess he may be. More on that later.)

Where was I? Oh yes, ‘two hours’.

So, although I fully appreciate the need to ‘get yourself out there’ for us aspiring writers, if all I have to give is two hours of writing a day then I am not sure I will be able to invest the ‘right’ amount of time tweeting to build up a sizable twitter following.

Fingers crossed what takes one two hours a day can be done in 15 minutes instead!

Speaking of rewriting (we were, weren’t we?) I did manage to lose a good few hours’ sleep working on rewriting killer application last night.

Whilst tempted to right-off (or is that ‘write-off’?) several of the characters, fundamentally change the story arc and basically rewrite the whole story from a third of the way in, I recognised the exhaustion levels seeping into my writing decisions and held myself to less drastic changes, forcing my typing fingers to make notes where drastic changes may be required and enforcing the existing and new world rules and regulations within the story itself to drive the narrative.

Last night I either completely chickened out of a ‘proper’ rewrite, or I saved the heart and soul of the tale. Only time (and readers!) will tell.

As for twitter, I’ll do what I can and hope for a miracle. Slow burn media not-so-frenzy here we come! 😉

Back to the scintillating ITIL V3 world of study.

Til next time, this is mE

Em