Category Archives: Writing

My first, longest, truest love – writing. Step inside and have a browse, leave a comment, praise or slate, it’s all good!

grey hairs

To punch a wall,
Light a cigareete, deep
Breathe, inhale, feel
The burn bite deep in
Throat, taste the sour
Acrid smoke, nurse the
Bloody knuckles, and
Wonder where the basest
Emotions spring from, within
This chest, from under breast,
Deep inside the core, need
I say anything more?

What caged lionmonster
Paces within, growing older
Days shorter, growing double chin,
The tea-time Sunday of life’s
Short weekend, the 30’s half-
Way done, teens long past,
The forties bearing down, all
Too fast, hair thinning, greys
Sprouting, don’t know about
Innings, yet it’s been a good
Outing, so far, not so bad, yet
Somehow still quite sad, not just
What I’d hoped for, yet more
Happiness than ever had, this
Stillness, a dream, this patience
Like steam from the shower,
Leaving skin soaked clean through,
Not half of life lived, the yoke sat
Quite skew, dragging half of me
Down, no lower than ground,
Which in my own personal health,
Is as good as could be hoped
For lower than that I have been
For so long, that ground level is
At least solid, something strong.

A place to stand, but not for
Long, for the changes that
Come, as we grow each old tonight
Bring the dawn of a new day, the
Taste of the future, though teasing
Still bright, blinding me to my
Own, still feeling for what is right,
Striking out on my own, no fear
Is the only way forward, for fear
Is the ultimate leach of the soul,
Crippling our very being through
Unfair weight and poor sight.

This is not the end, nor even
The beginning. This is the middle,
Time to start building. Foundation
Is strong, bricks easily formed,
Mortar of tears thickened by years
Of being bourne.

And me in the middle, still young,
Laughing, as the walls of a new
Place grow all around, this is me
This is mine, it is home which I
Have found.

Home, to build
On finally solid ground.

i do not know

…if we’re truly aware
That each time we cross the road
Stepping out into that vast abyss
Of today and forever tomorrow, if
We truly understand the gravitas
Of the step we take, that we
Ourselves, are trusting in faith,
Believing in the base sanity of
Others, putting our hands in the
Lives of total strangers, as if
It were the most natural thing to do
Yet at the same time, each day
We bitch and quarrel, love and hate,
Judge and are judged, by those
Same people, friends, family, total
Strangers, in front of whom we place
Our lives, every day, as if it were the most
Natural thing to do, as if the madness of one
Small moment, a shuddering nerve-ending
Misfired synapse, could not plunge
Their foot to the floor, and all of our
Hopesaspirationswishesdreams
Vanish in instant blackness, the
Echoes of crying voices, twisted metal,
Broken bones and forgotten dreams,
Lives changed for those involved, forever
For those who watch are involved as well,
All just a momentary lapse, a shuddering muscle spasm,
A foot slipped from break to gas,
Moment frozen in time, the scene
Painted like an illusion on the minds
Of those who cannot stop it,
Even those involved, once set in action
This thing cannot be undone, and so
We stand and watch, or sit and cringe,
Or take the hit and fall, each one of us
Changed irrevocably and forever,
Telling ourselves that we will be more
Careful ourselves next time, or
Damning ourselves for a lapse of concentration
Or taking the hit and praying to live.

Yet time passes, not much really,
Just enough though, and we are left
Stepping thoughtlessly into the street
Putting our faith into total strangers,
People we would not invite into our home,
Into our lives, for we do not know
Them, instead we put our lives
In their hands.

And we are the sane ones?

junk jettisoned, ebooks printed…and all’s well

This is just a quickie…I know, I know, usually it takes a good couple of dates, some wining and dining, a few smiles, a hug, a kiss a cuddle…and then onto the final frontier…space…or at least what’s left of it aside from the junk we jettison out there as the ultimate chav planet in the galaxy…but more on that later.

(No, more on that now! Are those in charge of disposing of earth’s rubbish the same senseless oiks who dump old refrigerators in front of their homes on the off chance someone else wants it, or maybe the neighbours will get fed up enough – as I sometimes do – and clear it to the dump themselves? Seriously! If I was an alien race hell-bent on world domination, or just a friendly neighborhood alien race looking to drop in on the newbies and see how they are settling in, whether the kids have found school to be tough, or even just to borrow a few million gallons of oil, and I saw the rubbish floating around our planet by way of dead satellites, space waste, jettisoned rubbish and general debris that we humans have surrounded our planet with…well, I would think twice about visiting. Do you regularly go meet and greet neighbours who have old kitchen sinks dumped in their front gardens? Think about it! We could be missing out on the evolutionary-jump of a sentient race which thinks we are the chavs of the Milky Way…and we’ll never know…and now back to our regular broadcast…)

What was I on about? Oh, yes, I’ve published three compilations of, well, stuff from this blog as ebooks on Amazon – just search for ‘Emerson Freedman’ on amazon, or type in ‘Poemetics’…or even just click on one of the three links to those books on Amazon on the rigth hand side here…no not there…over to the…yeah…to the…to the right…your other right…yeah, there, the ‘Poemetics’, ‘A Day in the Life’ and ‘Storytology’ links. Yup. Those. No, you can’t download them for free. They cost a whole £0.71. Not cause I’m greedy. Cause Amazon don’t do free ebooks. Go figure. Cheapest I could make them….no really…it was….whatever.

So, go on, have a look, download them, let me know what you think. Share them with a friend. This is the first foray into epublishing for me…the first ‘real’ epublishing books I created…by way of Word to Plain Text to Jutoh to Amazon…cool stuff, eh?

Let me know what you think. Feedback is always appreciated. Even if it is not precisely what I want to hear. (The truth is not always pretty, I know. But if you’re going to be honest, go easy…I am more fragile than I look!)

Til next time, bon nuit,

Em (mE)

the rewrite thang

Some say that the first draft is the beginning of the story. That all we need to do is get the story down in the first draft, beginning to end. Then we can start rewriting it for the second draft. We can clean up the prose, cut down on the fluff, align the story, pull the threads closer and knit ourselves a mean novel.

From recent experience rewriting Killer Application I am not so sure that the first draft of a novel is, as I originally thought, actually a first draft. In my estimation the first draft is more like the clay a potter makes before making the pottery. Or even the dough the baker beats for hours or days before baking the bread.

The first draft, although lovely in its completeness, is just that, the lump of unmolded clay or unbaked bread. All of the ingredients for a good story are there in pretty much the right form and consistency, with all of the possibilities that a wide-open horizon can give.

Only now do I realise that the rewriting, that which defines an author (as I have been told / read many times over), is where we really begin to hone our craft, to shape the dough into something special, something unique, something extremely personal.

Here is where we get to put our own touches in. Like my grandmother baking the boiled egg smack dab in the middle of her meatloaf (oh for a slice of that meatloaf now, so succulent and crumbly all at the same time!), a good author can work in their sense of humour, personal preferences, world view, perspectives, thoughts and feelings into the story without letting it take over.

All the while this weaving is happening (apologies for the inter-changeable metaphors – rewriting really is like a cross between pottery, baking, knitting, weaving and eating egg-centred meatloaf all at the same time, seriously!) the story itself is given new life. Characters that were stretched too thin are removed or fleshed out, killed or fattened (only to be killed off later or even reborn, depending on the angle of the story and where the rewriting takes us).

In truth, I find the rewriting almost more exciting than the original writing. Okay, that is not entirely true. This is a different kind of excitement for I am watching the story mature and grow under my own hands. I get to watch the characters delve into themselves and pull out wonders of unique personality with which I can help them along, or change the story itself. Anything is possible right now.

I am excited by the process of writing. I can see why Philip K Dick used to get depressed after finishing a novel. (Not that I am comparing my writing to Philip K Dick, just the sense of accomplishment at each stage of the writing, and the subsequent emotional endorphins triggered by that feeling of ongoing success and creation.) It makes perfect sense.

I managed to keep myself away from my ebook publishing games this evening, mostly because I wanted to get some good writing time in before going to bed (not too late this time!).

That’s it from me, for now.

Til next time, enjoy life,

Em (mE)

ePublishing; pain + persistence = perseverance… Does it = published?

Ok, so now I’ve finally finished a working ePub draft of the first full poetry anthology entitled “Poemetics: Suspiciously Cute, Ode to a Total Stranger”.

Yes, that was the name of a previous shorter ‘volume’ of poetry.

I have ‘unpublished’ that volume (and the others) and combined them all into a single volume, plus a few more poems I had left out of the original 3 volumes.

Altogether this comes to 30-something poems. This anthology will soon be available on both Amazon & Smashwords – I am trialling and erroring my way to the ‘right’ way to ePublishing in a slow elephantine manner. We will get there in the end!

I promised an update on my ePublishing experience, so here it is:

First off, Jutoh works on a Mac. (That’s all I know about the Mac side, seeing as I do not have one to hand to test further – I just know it does work.)

On my laptop (PC / Windows-based) Jutoh ‘feels’ like Microsoft Word, with a lot of the similar commands for selecting text, simple formatting (bold, italic) for easy formatting and editing.

As a first point, I would advise creating ‘Chapter’ or ‘Part’ demarcations, even for something like poetry, as the ‘import’ function (when creating a ‘new project’ in Jutoh) creates a separate ‘Document’ within your ebook for each titled segment.

This is useful as it means that your ebook is broken up logically into bite-size chunks instead of being one long text file.

It also allows Jutoh to automatically generate your ebook table of contents – each document is treated like a different web page within that ebook, allowing for easy browsing and ‘jumping to’ desired sections for your readers.

They can also ‘bookmark’ pages for returning to and re-reading later (assuming their ereader supports bookmarking).

This splitting of the main sections of the ebook up automatically along with creating an automatic table of contents based on those ebook sections is a great improvement over the Smashwords interface.

In Smashwords you are forced to create bookmarks for each section of your document, manually create a list for your table of contents, then highlight each part of your table of contents and ‘hyperlink’ to the relevant ‘bookmark’ section. This is a seriously labour intensive piece of work for any document over ten sections.

The additional benefit of Jutoh ebook formatting over Smashwords is the splitting into separate sections for each segment (Chapter or Poem) as part of the import – Smashwords creates a single long text file which is unwieldy and relatively unattractive in ereader format.

There are also additional benefits of Jutoh over Smashwords in that Jutoh allows you to modify the layout, pages, document, paste in graphics, links, formatting or whatever else you like, as well as choose what outputs you wish to ‘compile’ your ebook to, including specifying the settings you would like to default to for that type of output (targetting Mobipocket-friendly styling, for example).

If needed (such as for my Poetry book) after importing into Jutoh you can go into the document pages in your new ebook and delete the ‘Chapter’ or ‘Part’ text from the titles, select text, format, insert graphics and play til your heart’s content.

To see what the end result ebook looks like (once you have ‘compiled’ and ‘tested’ your newly created ebook), you can download and install Calibre’s free ebook viewer (for both PC’s and Macs).

When you then select ‘Launch’ for your ebook within Jutoh (once the correct format, i.e. ‘epub’, has been ‘compiled’ and ‘tested’) Calibre will automatically launch and import the book into its library. (I presume this standard functionality and that Jutoh will target the ‘launch’ function at whatever ebook reader you may have installed. I may test this further later with Mobi readers.)

You can then review the output in epub format in an ereader to see whether you need to go back and modify anything prior to publication.

Once you’ve formatted your ebook to your heart’s content you can setup a free account on kdp.amazon.com (Amazon’s own Kindle Direct Publishing self-publishing service), ‘add a new title’ and follow the guidelines to publish your epub book.

I used to believe I would have to use the publishing company I setup to buy ISBN numbers to allow my ebook to be published online, however I think there is a way around this.

ISBN numbers are useful for allowing all major distributors to ‘order’ your book. However if you self-publish your book on each of the major online bookstýores (i.e. Amazon Kindle, Apple iBookstore, Barnes and Noble Nook and Pubit – forgive me if I have missed any off this list – I am only just beginning my self-publishing journey), unless you desire to have your ebook searchable by ISBN number there will be very few missed sales in my estimation.

(Let’s be honest, how many people do you know to go online and type in an ISBN number to find a book they want, instead of searching on the title, author or genre? This will be a small minority who would also search by title, author or genre if the ISBN search came up blank.)

I followed the above process using precisely the tools I mentioned above (Word to Plain Text to Jutoh to Calibre…and onto Amazon Kindle for starters) to self-publish my compilation of poetry entitled ‘Poemetics – Suspiciously Cute, Ode to a Total Stranger’.

Please have a look and let me know what you think!

Please Note – I have only just uploaded ‘Poemetics’ to Amazon – it can take up to 24 hours to be ‘vetted’ before being available on Amazon’s website.

Therefore if you are unable to find it the first time you check, please have another go tomorrow.

Your feedback will be much appreciated!

Until next time, keep writing, keep publishing, never surrender.

mE (Em)